Here with out you
by Sylla Shadowfrost
Summary: Angst one shot. Vakama Nokama. Reviews are appreciated.


The plot bunnies struck while I was in the car listening to the radio. Enjoy.

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**"Here Without You"- Three Doors Down**

Vakama stood watching the Visorak horde drilling. They were obedient, skilled.

Not like his former teammates. NO nothing like them. They did not scorn him. They dare not, for he was leader of the Horde. He ruled and told them what to do. They obeyed or died. Speaking of toa…. Vakama sighed and leaned slightly against the railing. 'Nokama' He thought bitterly. It had been so long since he had seen her. And now he never could. He had betrayed his friends. No, not friends, he reminded himself. Companions. At first he was sure all of this was worth it, getting revenge on his companions, and saving the matorn. But not now… All of what he thought it would be-what is was- in the beginning wasn't there anymore. Illusions of glory, when all it really was, was being treated like a pet.

But he couldn't go back. He had gone too far this time, capturing the Rahaga, burning the great temple. He had praticly become his own enemy. He was destroying his own home, the one he had fought so hard to protect and preserve. Oh Great Beings how he missed her, Nokama. She had always been beside him when things got sticky. But now there were great chances that the only time he would see her was being thrown into a grave. The very thought made him shudder. He couldn't let that happen to her. She was his best friend; he cared for her more than anything. She was so far away from him. But he could imagine her mask in his mind, her amber eyes gentle and warm, her face smiling.

_A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same  
But all the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

"Vakama?" A soft but deadly voice spoke behind him. Vakama turned sharply to face Roodika. "My, my jumpy today aren't we?" She purred. Vakama shifted nervously. "Come now Vakama, don't lie. What has you in such deep thought?" She coaxed him gently. Vakama glared briefly but after a moment muttered "Nokama."

"Nokama. Why she is, one on you former teammates correct?" Roodaka's voice became slightly harder, but still friendly.

Vakama looked sharply at her but nodded mutely, then turned around to scan the horizon of the city. "You're looking for her aren't you?" She said suddenly, she voice hard as steel. "Let me tell you something Vakama, that is if you haven't guessed already. You can't turn back. Do you actually think that She would welcome you after you burned the Great Temple? She hates you for what you did." She said, her voice ringing around the empty room behind him. Vakama whirled around to face her, eyes flaring. "You don't know her." He growled venomously. Roodaka's eyes widened at the sudden anger, and for a moment, her eyes were filled with fear.

But it faded as fast as it had come, her eyes changed back into their usual calm and collected look. "No, you're right Vakama, I don't know her. But I do know this. No one loves someone who betrayed them. No one loves someone who destroyed their city, their home." She said, almost as if she were talking about the weather. "And," She continued, her voice soft with malice

"That Vakama is exactly what you did."

Then, with out another word, she left, walking away, leaving an enraged Toa Hordika behind her.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me_

Vakama sighed, and leaned against the window sill. She was right, he knew it. But deep within his heart, he still hope, prayed that Nokama would forgive him. She always had forgiven him in the past, but this time, this time he knew he went too far. It wouldn't be right to ask forgiveness for his acts now. Because, no matter how many times they would say they forgave him, he knew they would still hold bitterness in their hearts. And so would she. Why was he even thinking of this? He knew he couldn't go back, he knew it. He was a traitor, and no one would ever forgive him. All he could do is hope that they would join him with the Visorak. Yet somehow, in his mind he knew they wouldn't. Yet his heart longed for them to, even though it knew it was wrong to hope that. He sighed again. All he could hope is that his life as the Visorak Horde Leader would get better than this. Sit wait, watch them drill, plan, and wait some more. He never got to go out into the city. It was obvious that Roodaka didn't trust him, he knew that she didn't now. He laughed aloud bitterly. She had just told him that his teammates wouldn't trust him, so why would he go back to them? The loneliness built up in him as it finally truly hit him.

He would never see them again, and if he did it would be when they were killed, or he was captured. He would never see her face again.

_The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go_

Nokama sighed and looked up at the sky, seeking comfort in the stars. There were shining brightly down, so many in the deep dark blue sky. Almost like the ocean, the stars like the reflection of the sun's glare. But in a way, it wasn't. It was more solemn, sadder, and enchanting. The stars danced brightly far above her head in the sky, as if they were oblivious to the troubles of the beings watching them from far below. All she wanted to do was to lose her troubles and join the stars in the sky. So much had to be done so soon. The Rahaga and the toa were building a fortress, and it was no easy task. Her body was sore and aching all over. The cold night wasn't making it any better. How she longed to be sitting next to Vakama right now. He was always warm, a good advantage in a chilly night like this. Her heart gave a painful twinge at the remembrance of the Toa of Fire.

_'He left us, abandon us.'_ She reminded herself, trying to hate the kind toa in order not to break down crying. It had worked in the beginning, when she found out he had burned the Great Temple. She had hated him so she didn't cry in from of her teammates. But it wasn't working lately. She had been cold and silent when she was around everyone, and all it was doing was worrying them. Whenua had often asked if she was upset about Vakama leaving, and she had simply said 'no', and walked away. _'You can't deny the truth forever.'_ Nuju had warned her after word that day. It seemed now that he was right. Great Spirits she missed him. She could picture his face if she closed her eyes. She still couldn't believe that he had betrayed them. All she wanted to do right now was be in his arms, warm and gentle like he always had been. 'Vakama' she thought sadly before she burst out sobbing

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me_

It was a long time before Vakama finally retired to his quarters to rest. He knew it wouldn't be much rest, but at least it was something that wasn't waiting. And thinking of Nokama. He lay down, and closed his feral green eyes. Darkness claimed him immediately, like a dark cloud it covered him.

Vakama stood in the rocky remains of Le Metru. The stars shown brightly above head in a dark blue sky, so many so vast was the sky. He felt a cool breeze blow on his face. Odd, nothing in this dream seemed out of place, except for the fact that he felt and overwhelming sadness. '_She stood alone, wondering why no one was home, tears falling like_ _rain…rain, falling like rain from her eyes.'_ A soft voice sang in his head. _'So why did she hide when he came home, did she want to be found, or just be…alone?'_ It continued. Vakama looked around for anything familiar here. His eyes fell on a shape a few feet away, definitely alive, and not a rahi. Well, not completely. His heart picked up speed as he walked swiftly over to it.

"Nokama?" He asked hesitantly.

He received no answer. There was a loud snarling behind him, as the figure jumped up to face it. Its twisted features and fear filled orange eyes were all to hauntingly familiar.

It was her.

Her axes were held at the ready, but the sadness in her eyes showed she wasn't willing to fight what ever had challenged her. Vakama turned to face the figure in the dark.

The figure was hunched over and twisted, green feral eyes blazing. The blazers in the figure's hands cast eerie shadows on the fire colored mask. In shock he realized it was him. Twisted and maimed but unmistakably him.

"Vakama" Nokama's mouth barely moved, but his name passed her lips, agony, love and sorrow all contained in those three syllables.

A twisted snarl was the reply from the animalistic figure. "Please Vakama, don't make me do this." Her voice held desperation, but her eyes were determined.

"I don't want to hurt you." She whispered.

There was a blur of red and a soft cry as Vakama watched himself kill her, strike her down. He stood over her; blood was spilling from her chest, flowing down her armor to the ground. "NOKAMA!!" He shouted as her eyes dimmed and heart light faded. He knelt next to her, though he knew it was only a dream and that she couldn't hear him, seeing her die…and by his own hand…A tear made its way down his twisted mask, and landed with a small 'pink' on her armor.

"Vakama…"She whispered, glancing weakly at the feral toa. "Vakama.." She breathed as she looked up at him, staring into his eyes as if she could see him.

There was a soft wind as the eerie song came back _'Now she gone, its too late. Turn around to face your fate. This was done by your own hand, so now cry, cry tyrant of this land'_

"No, I didn't kill her, I wouldn't!" He cried out, though nothing he said stopped the song

_'now you cry, holding a dead hand, a river of blood across the land. You killed your love, and now she watches you with hate from_ _above'_ The soft voice chanted, as the feral Hordika turned on him, and with out a sound, struck down the dreaming toa.

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Nokama woke up in tears. What an awful nightmare, what would have made her think of that? Vakama would never hurt her….would he? No, never, not intentionally. Not even now would he hurt her, she was positive of that. But he had betrayed her, turned aside everything that in the beginning, they had worked for. The list went on of what he did wrong. Yet none of it stopped one thing, the thing that she treasured and hated with all her heart. The one thing that she realized she had to admit. She was in love with Vakama, the Toa of Fire.

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it wont take away my love  
And when the last one falls  
When it's all said and done  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love_

Vakama stood and watched the sunrise. Ever since that odd dream he had woken from, he had been standing here watching the sky, waiting for the dawn to come. He had done this once before, he recalled with Nokama. They had watched the sunrise from Po- Metru when they had been just turned into toa and were searching for Whenua Onewa and Nuju. The sight had been amazing, but Vakama most of the time had been watching his companion. The smile that had been on her face was unforgettable. She had thanked him afterwards, with just a hint of a blush on her mask. Was this why he was watching the sunrise? Because he had done it before with her? He honestly didn't know. All he knew that it was too late to go back, too late to apologize, too late. So he would push through and hope for the best.

Nokama had risen early and headed for the coliseum in hope to see her friend, just a glimpse of him. And now she was crouched in the dirt, behind a mound of rubble watching him standing there gazing out to the sunrise.

_'is he remembering the time we watched the sunrise in Po-Metru?'_ She wondered quietly.

She saw him sigh and he turned his head away from the bright sky to survey the ground. His eyes roamed for awhile, Nokama was still crouched in the dirt debating if she should leave or not. Then, for a split second, their eyes met. Her eyes held anguish and longing, while his held regret and love. She wanted to see him closer, talk to him, take him back to their brothers. But she knew that he had made his choice. She shifted in the dirt and then as unnoticeably as possible, she slipped away into the still shadowy depths of Le-Metru, not once glancing back, tears pouring from her eyes.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me_

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**Finally, its done! I'm happy with it, but I don't know about you. This took me forever to write. I've been seriously lacking any motivation what so ever. I think it's cause I'm bored. Or just being lazy. Anywho, cookies, review and anything else you want to give me are welcome. Flames will be used to fry my brother, so honestly, your just making me happy. And people who are reading 'Memories' again, I'm putting it on hold for awhile. I'm not getting out what I want to, and I need filler for like… A chapter and I've become brain dead, I'm really, really, really REALLY extra super sorry. All it has to be is something minor that happens in one stinking chapter. Help for that would be greatly appreciated.**

**Sorry if I annoyed you with that post, don't kill me**

**Shadowed ice**


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